You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
