Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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