I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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