At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
