I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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