her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
