Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
