I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
