Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
