I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
