Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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