apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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