they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
