a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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