Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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