Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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