I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
