Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
