It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
