oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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