Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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