Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
