so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
