You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
