I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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