you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
