i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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