Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize