hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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