well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
