It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
