Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
