can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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