Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
