I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
