Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
