its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
