Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
