We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
