they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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