dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
