chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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