the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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