happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
