That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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