Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
