Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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