I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
