that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
