He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and she was petting her beer can
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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