i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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