Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
