At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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