i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize