Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
