weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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