I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
