how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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