I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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