How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
