I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
