So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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