You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
