i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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