you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
