i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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