I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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