addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
