I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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