I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
