pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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