I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
