Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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