pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
