Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
