this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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