She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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