does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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