Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
