I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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